How I became a stepdad-The breathalyzer

I got to the point in life where I needed to change quickly, I had gotten a DUI 20 years(!!!) prior and avoided the responsibility of the repercussions all that time. But it was hanging over my head and restricted me from being truly free. I rarely had an ID, and I couldn’t drive whih made it so that I had to cater my life to busses, walking, taxis, and ride-sharing companies later down the line.  I was so afraid of taking responsibility that my bad habits were thriving as I continued down this long rabbit hole of avoidance. Making the decision to avoid responsibility allowed other bad decisions to piggyback along and the guilt from them made it easier to avoid progress. As I went on this path, my self-esteem dropped making me feel I was unworthy of accomplishing what I was capable of. It was like the law of inertia, bad decisions stayed in motion as my true inner self stayed at rest. I had to stop it. I had to plant my feet on the ground and say no more!

Now, it wasn’t that easy and it took a lot of nagging from family members, especially Mama, that was my grandma from Alabama so no sugarcoating from her. “You better go see about your license” is what she constantly told me. I hated to hear it then, but I am ever so grateful now. Without her urging, where would I be now? Drunk? High? Dead? I digress though because that is not the point. It doesn’t matter how much nagging or how much sense something makes. It had to be my decision to get it done. I had to be willing to face the consequences, and there were many, but in all the ways my life was more difficult it never spurned me to make the change. It was only until I was WILLING to do it.

Willing is a word I’ve grown interested in since this life turnaround. You will beat yourself up with should, want, or need, but it’s until you are willing to do it is when things will be different. I wanted to stop excessive drinking and doing drugs, but was I willing to say no to those things? Better yet, was I willing to say yes for the life I was destined to live? What even was the life I was to live? I had checked out so long ago I didn’t know where I left off.

 Fast forward ahead and we are at my then girlfriend’s daughters track meet. She rode with the school, but she wants to go home early since she was done with her events. At this point in my life, I have a breathalyzer in my car. The breathalyzer was used, of course, to start the car for one, but the kicker was that I had to periodically blow in it to keep the car running. So, on a drive that took more than an hour, I knew she was going to notice something me and her mom had previously kept from the kids.

I thought it would be the end of the world, but she later stated that her thought was, whatever the reason the breathalyzer was in the car that I was no longer that person. Wow, she was seventeen years old and able to make that determination? It was all because I chose to make changes and I was willing to see them through. 

It’s never too late to change and it is not impossible. Worst people have overcome worst things in their life.